Desperate Wives: There Is Help Out There

I have been getting letters from distraught women whose relationships with their husbands have suffered since their treatment for prostate cancer.  This subject needs to be discussed extensively, but for starters, I have compiled a list of potential resources.  (Excuse me if this is not the King’s English, but I have rushed this through because of the urgency of the topic.)  If you know of a resource I haven’t mentioned, please contact me.  By the way, the following list is not in any particular order.

“Saving Your Sex Life After Prostate Cancer“, Dr. John Mulhall.  (Hilton Publishing, available at for $12.21.)   A must-read. This book just came out and I have already come across a number of favorable reviews from patients.   Dr. Mulhall knows his stuff.  As an expert in Sexual Medicine at MSKCC, he treats about 800 PC patients a year.  The website of a couple, both professional psychotherapists, who have struggled with ED after prostate cancer.  They do tout their own book, but I have heard it’s excellent. . Website of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America.  That’s where I look first for referrals to ED specialists of all kinds (MDs, social workers, nurses, etc).  There is also a lot of general information on their webstite for people struggling with ED.,  Sexual  Dysfunction Association, UK.  They have good “fact sheets” on various subjects relating to PC and ED.  We in the U.S. need to catch up with them.

ladies-prostate-forum.  “A wonderful online forum for *ladies only* that has an ‘intimacy’ section. The women are very supportive and caring.”  The  PCAI (PC and Intimacy) listserv sponsored by (part of  This is an excellent discussion group for people who are struggling with relationship and sexual problems after treatment for PC.  No subject is taboo, and the participants go out of their way to help.   There is also a list of ED specialists posted at the end of each message.  A good source of news as well as a “social network ” for people dealing with PC.  The site debuted some months ago but already has about 700 participants.  Check out such groups such as “Wives and Partners” and “ED and Incontinence” .  There is also a “closed” group called “Of Sex and Sexuality”.  You just have to ask to join.  A relatively new site by PC wife and professional writer Dana K.  The content seems high-quality, and you can post your own  story. . Website of “Women Against Prostate Cancer”.  These women have embarked on an important project, which is to compile information on PC and sexuality that can be given to patients and their partners *before* treatment.  Forewarned is forearmed.  A blog which covers a variety of subjects, from ED treatments to humor.  It also seeks to promote the book,  Conquer Prostate Cancer: How Medicine, Faith, Love and Sex Can Renew Your Life”, by PC patient and rabbi, Ed Weinsberg (with Dr. Robert Carey).  I read a preview of the book and liked it.  One reader wrote that it gave her a window into what actually goes on in sex therapy, which the rabbi and his wife pursued after his treatment for PC (with robotic laparascopic surgery).

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About Leah

Some introductions: First is yours postess with the mostest, yours truly. My name is Leah, but I sometimes I use the nickname "callalily," after my favorite flower. Next is dear husband Ted, who is the Prostate Cancer patient and the inspiration for everything. I consider everyone in the PC community to be family. So what I would like to do with this blog is to advocate for the humane and compassionate treatment of people with prostate cancer and their loved ones, and to try to do it by example. One area that could use a lot of improvement, in my opinion, is doctor-patient relations. I hope to write passionately and compassionately, and especially with a liberal sprinkling of *humor,* because I believe in its exceptional power to heal. I have also learned a lot of factual information about prostate cancer in the past year, from patients and from doing research, especially in the area of erectile dysfunction. So there will be a lot of substantive stuff as well. About me: late 40s, proudly born in Brooklyn, lived there for the first half of my life, then crossed over the bridge to Manhattan, where I've spent the second half. Have a B.A. in history and a law degree. Also worked in corporate communications, doing writing and editing. I love old movies, poetry and watching forensic shows on TV. My favorite topic is murder and mayhem. If I had my life to live over I think I would be a medical examiner, arson investigator or homicide detective. About Ted: He is 55, born in St. Louis, good-looking, fit, has an M.S. in Computer Science but has begun a new career as a writer for a medical ad agency. Ted was diagnosed with PC in August '05, had robotic prostatectomy on 10/15/05. The surgery failed. Ted had a positive PSA test last January, and underwent salvage radiation therapy at Memorial Sloan Kettering. Ted is the intellectual type, reads a lot, but he is also into working out and praying. Anything else, you want to know, you can email me privately @

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